The Talk – part 1: Who’s in charge of the kids?
Ok, let’s be frank. Unless you have lost someone really close to you, I’m guessing most of you actively avoid thinking about your inevitable demise. I know for a long time I assumed I was invincible. Of course, getting married, having kids, finding those first gray hairs, and waking up with an unexplained sore back made me consider an unpleasant truth: I may not live forever. In fact, statistics show that roughly 97% of all people (with a 3% margin of error) will die at some point in their life time.
Once you acknowledge that you may need to plan for the inevitable (in other words, prepare an estate plan), you need to talk about the specifics. This talk needs to go way beyond speaking with non-judgmental and impartial professionals (your attorney, financial planner, CPA, and insurance agent): you have to talk to people you know personally. These people need to know how you want them to handle your affairs in the event you can not.
One of the most important decisions you can discuss deals with guardians for your minor children. You need to figure out who will care for your children in the event you can not. Parents all have different opinions about who and what will be best for the kids, but for the sake of your children, you need to think seriously about this issue. While I’m sure your spouse’s family truly is insane, that does not necessarily mean the children will suffer irreparable harm if you name one of your spouse’s relatives as guardian. Reaching a decision you can live with – even if it is not your first choice – can save time, money, and heartache down the road. If parents can’t agree on what is best for their children, they could be setting up the probate court equivalent of a custody battle.
Once you narrow your guardian choices, make sure to discuss your decision with the prospective guardian. While most people will be more than willing to help (even your crazy in-laws), getting a less-than-enthusiastic response is not a bad thing. Knowing your prospective guardian is ready, willing, and able to care for your children should be far more comforting than a tepid “I guess so,” response. Being confident your guardian will warmly welcome your children into their home in the event of a tragedy should give you the peace of mind you were seeking in preparing an estate plan.
Ultimately, you need to make the decision that is best for you and your family. Even though most families will never need their chosen guardian’s services, it is still a major decision for everyone involved. You need to talk about it with your spouse and prospective guardian to make sure everyone is willing to act for the benefit of your kids.
Matthew S. Lewis is an attorney at J.D. Walls & Associates, P.C., who focuses his practice on estate planning. He can be reached at mslewis@jdwalls.com
